I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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