My balls are so social today.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
