Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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