I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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