she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
