butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
