how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
