i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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