Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
