people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
