Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
