I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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