I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
