Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
