brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
