I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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