Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
