He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I need a beard to bite.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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