You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
