Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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