So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
