I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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