He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
