I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
