you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
