Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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