just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
