she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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