i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
