I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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