and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Green mimosas i think yes
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
BRING THE BAGELS
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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