So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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