I heard we made out
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
