I'm jealous of your bromance
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
