This is the prime rib incident all over again
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
