I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
not ubering you a puppy
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
