and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
