Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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