He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
