On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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