u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
