So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
