she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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