I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
