dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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