ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He shit in the fireplace
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
