We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
