did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
