Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
