yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
