Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
