My friends, they love my intelligence
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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