I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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