I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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